My New Years' resolution this year, one of them at least, is to handle money better.
In the past, I've had some problems. I once shelled out millions of dollars to study how cow farts change the composition of the atmosphere. I own a lot of real estate all over the world and usually insist on building the most expensive buildings possible in those places. I also have to always have the best and newest. And I never fail to travel in style.
Problem is that my job doesn't pay as much as I spend. So I got credit cards. Unofortunately, those are now maxed out. I hear the National Bank of China has one with an adjustable APR . . .
My biggest problem is that I am, so generous. Some of my children work jobs and some of them don't. I hate to see my kids without money, any of them. Therefore I take some from the kids that work and give it to the ones that don't. You see, that is what is called being fair.
But I still have money problems. I think I'll take some hundred dollar bills and run them off on the copier to see if I can spend them without getting in trouble.
Or I could listen to some new friends. They are my financial advisors, Mr. Gop and Mr. T. Mr. Gop says I need to cut back on my spending and stop taking money from my working children. Mr. T says that he pities the fool that doesn't follow such sound advice. Both of them told me that I am heading for disaster, but I usually try to not believe them. They have given me two years to do better, or they will take the power of the purse from me and dole out the money as they see fit. And they promise to cut so much that it hurts the standard of living that I love so much.